if ( me==pulliraja ) { answer=true }

So all you c-programming-savvy-pullirajas would have by now arrived at the conclusion that I've got AIDS. I don't deny it. Infact I'm proud of it. But just before all of you go gaga over my perceived state of distress I'm sorry to disappoint you by saying that I'm referring to a condition very different from what Pulliraja might/might not have acquired.

I have an Acquired Immunity to Dry Sarcasm and there's a very good reason as to why I call it 'acquired'.

You know people say that when life throws rocks at you, you should build a wall with them. Or was it a bridge? I don't know. Anyway my philosphy in my life was when life throws rocks at you, go hide behind 'em. That worked. Atleast until my 11th Standard. Coz right then life threw a man named Molaga Bajji and a pair of shorts at me.

edit: original name edited out for anonymity, and future occurrences have been not-so-cleverly replaced with Molaga Bajji.

Let me introduce the principal characters in this teenage drama/action/romantic/comedy

A Pair of Shorts - Shorts coz they are short. They are so very aptly named, aren't they?
Molaga Bajji - his very name sounds villainic doesn't it? Rightly so.
And well, me.

That moron, Bajji , was the Director of Education (or some such high post) in the DAV Group of Schools, Chennai. In a moment of heat-induced-madness coupled with what I suspect was a periodic-bout-of-gayish-tendencies he decided to make all the boys at DAV wear shorts on Saturdays and days with Physical Training Sessions.(or the more colloquial PT if u'd prefer it)

To say I'm tall would be an understatement. To say that if you climbed high enough that you could see me silhouetted against the horizon would be an exaggeration (that my vertically challenged friends would not be very fond of). Lets just say that I'm somewhere between those two. With that and the shorts in mind understand the predicament I was in.

Every day the journey to and from the school was a nightmare. There were several different reactions. Most of it was non verbal to which I'm thankful. But more often than not their expressions said it all. Here are a few of the expressions that I translated,

The busy-office-going-guy's WTF 360 : He's almost passed me by in his hurry but realizes something was amiss with what he saw and does a lightning quick 360 that will have him humored for the rest of the day.

The just-reached-9th-Std : The guys (who have just graduated to pants from shorts) have a very annoying self satisfied smirk on their face, and the girls, they have just started learning the art of group giggling, and are literally LOLing/ROTFLing.

The list is almost endless. The bewildered kindergartener who wants to know why the anna is still wearing shorts to school.

The former school mates who were waiting for just something like this to happen.

And my personal favourite expression,
The bus conductor's Duuude! How many classes did you fail?

My fellow victims and I did finally think of a diabolical plan to be rid of this embarrassment. All that and more details about the atheltic activities during our PT sessions in the next post.

To be continued...

Ever since Chandrakantha, Raja Aur Rancho, Shaktimaan and the like, I've always wanted to do that. :P

P.S: Just to be clear. About the I'm tall line. I never said 'tall handsome and good looking guy' .

:P

P.P.S: People who don't know me that well and/or those who didn't get the P.S comment, I had to try real hard not to spell it out to you. Lets just say theres a very eligible bachelor in orkut.

P³S: Do read Nightraja's take on Chennai Schools and their Chic Summer wear.

Yo Momma

Before any phonetically challenged reader gets the wrong idea, I'd like to clear the air by saying that this has nothing to with me cheering something/someone/my mother on.

Based on past experiences with readers of this blog I am pretty sure that 90% of all those reading this can understand Tamil. I say 90% coz there was this one random peter guy who made equally random comments, and I think he doesn't speak Tamil. Ya I know saying there were 10 different people reading this blog is stretching it. My blog. My stats. Stuff it.

So when I say that 'Yo Momma' literally translates to 'Ungamma', I hope that the 9/10th of a person within you understands that its not something you throw about lightly without knowing what it means [or what it might mean when completed].

You know how Americans have an attitude when they discuss Indians, with their bad Call Centre jokes.

Speaker 1 : "Ooh I hear that most Indian men don't get any action until 25." [Sad but true :( ]
Speaker 2 : "Aah! That explains why they are so rude on the customer care calls."

I haven't digressed from the topic here, I'm getting there. So if you were peeved hearing all those jokes here's something for you to laugh at. Take a look at this.

Yeah. Thats right. They have a competition where you trash talk your opponent and their mothers for money given away at the end of the show.

Here are a few of the jokes (or as the funky pants who runs the show calls it 'disses') featured on the show,

Yo Momma's so fat, she has her own zip code!

Yo Momma's so fat, when she sat in class she sat next to everyone!

Its got it all , what with the final 'Yo Mamma' round where you gotta exclusively trash talk about the opponents' mother. And just when you thought they couldn't sink any lower, there brought in their mothers to watch this sh&*. And once they even broke a tie by asking their mothers to trash talk.

So all ye M.S doing/ M.S pannalum pannuven if I don't get married by then guys the next time a bad ass American guy comes upto you and goes "Watcha got?" you can proudly say "Mere Paas Maa Hai!"

P.S You know what? I'm dedicating this post to my mother. Not that I'm gonna be showing her this post or anything. I don't think I can get around explaining the call centre joke!